Midnight Praise December 5, 2007

Ok, so once again God is proving Himself to be so amazing.  We are in the middle of musical stuff beginning, and I am starting to realize that there is more to work on with this musical than we had last year.  Well, I received an email about it tonight and my pride took it completely the wrong way.  I was hurt, frustrated, and feeling like why am I even there when they would rather someone else do it – or that they could do a better job.  I was exhausted, so I went to bed.  But while in bed, God would not let me sleep.  Instead, I just kept thinking about it, and finally I listened to the voice that was telling me I was being prideful.  The email was probably not even meant at all like I took it.  Man, pride stinks!!

So, I lay there deciding what to do, and dreading all the work that needed to be done, and God reminded me as to why I do this work in the firstplace – for HIM!!  I had completely lost my focus, and that, if left to continue, would make me a horrible teacher and example for the students.  So, I got out of bed, apologized to God and the person involved, and now sit here listening to praise.  I feel like it has been forever since I have worshipped – and God has moved me to tears yet again.

Lord, I get so frustrated with my sinful self.  Thank you for reminding me that I need YOU!!  I can’t do this on my own, although I sometimes try and miserably fail.  I love you.  Thank you for the cross, and the power that is has over souls, and sin.  I love you, and am forever grateful.

Humility October 19, 2007

I had a humbling experience last night in my journey of following God’s voice.  I stayed after Ladies Bible Study to talk with a lady from our church about some issues.  She had asked some questions and had some concerns, and the conversation ended up taking an hour.  When I got home, my husband was upset because I was so late, and he had things that he needed to do.  At first, the bothered me, because I thought that I don’t stay late often, and LBS hadn’t even met the last couple of weeks.  But, then God started convicting me about being selfish.  I didn’t think about the fact that Josh probably had some things that needed to get done.  I was wrong, and should have come home.

This jouney is not easy, and I did not want to be wrong last night.  But God continually reminds me that I must follow!!  Last night, I wanted to lead, and with that attitude I was self-centered. 

Thank you Lord, for holding me to my commitment.  Thank you for showing me when I am wrong, and teaching me humulity.  I want to put others first, just like Christ.  I love you.

Meaning October 8, 2007

My sister noticed yesterday the name of this blog, and wondered what in the world it means.  To be honest, I thought a lot about the name and feel for what I wanted to express.  I am a music nerd, so I love to find music terms that can also be used for another meaning – it is one title to represent two aspects of my life.

Colla voce is a music term that means to follow the voice, usually referring to the accompaniment, in style, tempo, and feel.  It also means to me, a musician, that sometimes you have to give up your own agenda to follow someone else’s leading.  Now, I am a vocalist, so often I get to lead, and that is nice!  But, I also often accompany, and in this situation it is my duty to follow them, and to make them look good.

Well, this is also a journey I have been taking spiritually, learning to follow God’s leading and not trying to make myself look good.  That is what this page is about.  The journey of giving up myself.  The journey of allowing God to lead, and for me to follow.  So often I want a certain outcome, so, although I say that I want God’s will and leading, I take it back for myself.  Or, I let myself respond one way, when I know that I shouldn’t respond that way.  I am strong-willed and stubborn, but that is not the attitude of a servant.  And that is what Christ, my example, came to earth to be, a servant.

So, here I am, learning to give up myself.  Not because I should, or because I am supposed to, but because I want to.

Lord, thank you for giving me the ultimate example of how I should live.  I desire to be more like you.  Thank you for your free gift.  I love you.